“listen to my heartbeat”


It looks like The Avengers and Wolverine doing some sort of ritual there. Apparently they’re seeking power from The Mummy in grey (it’s a correction tape actually) to fight their enemy. This is all according to Ee. I love how he uses his imagination to play. I love it more when he includes me in them. Well.. more like he borrows my stuff.

This month I am again disappointed with my negative UPT despite being late. Like really late. I am almost convinced that I have thyroid disease. Takut nak check. Just the other day I had severe palpitations when the Emergency Bell at work rang. I was in the oncall room resting a bit after my oncall just before I commute back home. 45 mins drive. The palpitation was so bad I could feel my head spinning. I think I counted my pulse manually to be 140. It was a regular pulse. Terkejut kot tgh deep sleep. Thank God I did not faint or anything. But even if I did, I was sleeping fully clothed with the doors not locked. Just in case – you know – people could barge in if they get worried that I have yet to leave the room for hours.

Anyway, it’s OK. I’m sure God has better plans. Perhaps it is not the right time yet to conceive. Plus I still have Ee and I hope he won’t stop hugging me and manja2 with me as he grows up. Mummy lappp uuuu.. 

Uncle Pek


There was time for a story in between patients. A man brought his 7 year old daughter for treatment in Casualty. It was quite obvious that this child was not his biological offspring. But they shared the same speaking language. I did not probe much – the conversation just flowed from him.

Perhaps he needed to just talk about his daughter. His hopes, his reasonable fear. That this temporary daughter will leave him one day. His dedication and undivided love. It was a session to just let his guard down and share his feelings. I think he felt good and reassured after that. That he is doing a wonderful job.

He may not be a muslim but I pray that Allah will help him and protect him and his family. And that this father will be granted the best of health so he could be there for this child. Always.


Counting my blessings – my little sunshine

This is just me counting my blessings. Documenting the little miracles and rezeki in my life.

I had a terrible shift last night. Macam biasalah...jonah its like once I step into the Casualty Unit for my shift – patients just decide to flock in and needs resuscitation. Despite a hectic night, I managed to have 58 accumulated minutes of rest in between cases. I was still on my feet when the next shift rolled in. I couldn’t think straight once it’s time to punch out.

I fetched my son from his grandmothers house after work. Once we reached home, I switched on the air conditioner in the living room. I told Ee that Mummy needs to rest and take a nap (had my pillow and blanket laid out on the floor) and that he is free to watch whatever cartoon he wants. I also reminded him to wake me up if he wants anything like switching on bathroom lights or anything.

Then I dozed off and when I woke up in between my stages of sleep – I saw my little angel engrossed peacefully in his little world. He was doing his kindergarten homework independently with his Ultraman Cosmos series on the telly. On a considerable volume – not too loud but just enough for him to hear the show. I was also amused that he had his yogurt drink beside him which he took out himself from the fridge. It was such a beautiful sight to see him there – minding his own work and managing himself accordingly.

When he saw me waking up – he narrated to me about him homework and the number of stars  he got for his work. He explained about the monsters and Ultraman forces. he offered me his drink to which I politely declined. Because I was practically still in mamai mode. For a minute I was that irresponsible, oh-my-god sorta mom because immediately after his ‘brief report’ I continued to doze off. Only to be awakened by a phone call from my husband asking the colour of our ‘tong gas’ because it has run out of gas.

But yes, my son is my blessing today. He could have been screaming his head off or making my nap impossible but he didn’t. Alhamdulilah…

Postcall moments – those extra hours ..

I was late to leave for home that day. My patient collapsed in the early hours of the morning. Usually I’d try to tie up loose ends by 7AM and clear as many trivial green cases before the next shift comes in – just so they’d start fresh and less stressful. The cases will never stop coming in. It’s a fact we’ve gotten used to because people fall sick the whole time. So I thought it’ll be a normal routine. Alas, Allah has better plans.

The patient was a ‘regular customer’ to our centre. We could almost memorize his medical history. He was one of those patients we fear the Grim Reaper would visit when he steps onto hospital grounds. Indeed – the patient briefly walked towards the light during resuscitation.

His airway was difficult to manipulate and intubate. I had to escort him to the tertiary centre with a laryngeal mask airway. It was already past my hours of working but seeing the cases already piling up and the ward rounds my colleagues has to do – I decided to hop on the ambulance. They need all the help they can get. Plus, Mr Husband is around this weekend – I texted him saying that I’m still at work and that I’ll be late. Just so he won’t be worried. Driving 45 mins back home post call was never a good idea – but a job is a job.

We arrived at the tertiary centre uneventfully. Allah was kind to give me the learning opportunity to witness how a glidescope was used. My extra hours of working was not in vain. It was beneficial. Alhamdulilah. 

On the way back to the hospital, I had a quick nap in the ambulance. Afterwards,  I grabbed a coffee from the vending machine before I started my commute back home. My son was already beaming with joy as my car parked into the driveway. It was already near lunchtime. Mr Husband was doing his work on his laptop as I narrated the events that happened early morning. I took a long hot shower and suddenly The Important Knock came to the door,

“Cepat mandi Mummy, makanan dah siap”

(hurry up mummy, food is ready)


Mr Husband was already preparing steamboat for our early lunch. Air tangan suami – obviously nyaman.  I then took my postcall nap as I couldn’t talk and think straight anymore.

Thank you for everything Allah – for reviving my patient, for giving me this wonderful family.