November Rain and my OSTs (again)

I made a short visit to my old littlehealer blog and chanced upon Ayumi Hamasaki Heaven song in it. I was immediately brought back in time to days I was watching the movie, Shinobi and a thing that occurred in the month of November.

November 2006, whilst in medical school was once a really really sad month from me. I got dumped by my then boyfriend of 6 months on a weekend just before the exams via Yahoo Messenger. Kejam kan? It was a long distance relationship. Him in Malaysia. I was in Manchester. Although he said the relationship has to end because the problem was with him and not me, he still managed to make a list of things which was wrong with me and how he thinks should be better. Itu khinzir namanya. 

My life OST at the time was UNGU- Tercipta Untukku.

But I had really supportive housemates.

Despite the stress in facing the exams, they did not disregard my broken heart and together we indulged in activities to make Minci (pronounced Min-chee) feel better. Gradually I did and went on a dating spree before I met my husband.

Meaning in between my Ex and my husband, I dated men from different walks of life.  Some young, some older as in 20 years my senior, non muslim, old friends but most prospects never got past the 1st date. On rare occasions, 3 dates but that’s it. Source of prospects? Forum, blog hopping, chat rooms, workplace. But I did get into a somewhat longer relationship called Teman Tapi Mesra. Yup, that became an OST of my life as well. Not to forget, Azlan and Meet Uncle Hussain’s song Lagu Untukmu and Bad English – When I See You Smile.

I think my longest dating relationship was about 3 months with this guy I knew from my Orthopedic posting. We kind of like have an inkling that it’s not going to work out but I guess we were just curious to see how it’s like to date someone from a different religion and background where the only common language you can talk to each other is English. True enough, his expectations of a relationship is different from mine. The fling we had just faded. Fueled by his cheating charades of course. Ignore calls tetiba putus. No proper closure.

Still, being hati tisu – I was deeply affected. The breakup happened during my paedatrics posting. Tengah jaga NICU pulak tu. I got so overwhelmed with my emotions that one day after work, I did not change or go back home.. instead I checked into a nearby hotel with my oncall bag with whatever stuffs inside – adalah change of undies, telekung and toileteries and stayed there for a night. I think my telekung did not have a kain at the time – I had to be creative. Macam bodoh pun ada.

My Life OST at the time was Black Eyes Peas – Meet me halfway.

I spent the night in the hotel alone and the next day I went to work. With the outfit from the day before. I was in a bit of a mess but I think my colleagues kinda figured what’s up. Thankfully, work for that day was just till noon cause I badly needed to get out of my clothes. Rasa mcm kotor sgt. Tapi tgh berduka, otak mmg mereng skit.

Songs undeniably bring on certain memories. Like this one. Home by Buble. Everytime I listen to it – I will ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS have Rome in mind – a wonderful trip I had with my friends. Despite being lost in the city of Rome at the time, driving in circles – it is one of the good memories I keep returning to whenever I feel nostalgic or melancholic. In fact, a very specific memory – in the backseat of the car staring at the dark sky with stars, lost in my thoughts whilst my friends figure out how to actually get us back to the hotel. HA ha ha.

 

The chapter of my life about Arin

I am typing this while listening to Breathe – by Lee HI. 

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Arin was in his early 20s. I was in my late teens.

We met in Hospital Putrajaya. I was a patient. Warded for 11 days. Treated for (the final diagnosis) Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) and Arin was the guy who served my meals in the ward. There was no PPK at the time. The servers were those from the private companies providing the food.

It was a brief friendship in the most unlikeliest place. Arin was at that time  – A Coincidence. He just happened to be there (as the person who served us meals in the wards). Our conversations were also short as he did most of the talking. I listened more.

He would pass me extra sachets of milo for my supper later at night . Or swing by to visit me in the wards after he finished his work. For a while. He would ask me what I was reading. My dad brings me my novels to keep me occupied in the wards. Arin would narrate to me his day. He was always in awe when he knew I wanted to study medicine. He said he was not smart enough. Our world was different. I was what he called, privileged. His, was a world of grit and hard-er work. I wish to tell him that even those who are privileged has their own challenges and expectations to live up to. But I didn’t. It was not what he would like to hear.

I allowed him to be proud of his hard, honest work. I let him talk about his might and glory. He should feel listened and appreciated. To me, he earned it. Especially when he has so much responsibilities to shoulder at that age.

He smelled of tobacco, biasalah.. youngsters. He rides a simple motorbike. He does not have any girlfriend (he made that point quite clear, wait, was he hitting on me?). He was ‘Along’ at home for he is the eldest and he stays with his mom and younger siblings. He never mentioned his father, perhaps he was not in the picture. I did not ask. As a stranger, I thought I should not pry too much.

It was a good time while it lasts. He gave me that letter on the day I was discharged.We exchanged phone numbers but my study commitments made it impossible to keep up with the friendship. Furthermore, we have different aspirations and goals. Later on, I did not feel like I want to listen and bottle up my thoughts regarding his ideas anymore. I had an opinion but to voice it out might not be the best thing. So I distanced myself and like a withering flower, the friendship too begin to falter. Hence the end of my chapter of Arin.