Of K-pop and Assertive NO

Would netizens and relevant authorities react differently if the K-Pop guys hugged a young ah moi. Instead of an anak dara donning a hijab. The Running Man cast were in Malaysia last year, I wonder how many hijabster’s were allegedly ‘molested’ by them as they queue in a meet and greet autograph session. Either way, I just don’t think any young girl of whatever creed should be put in an organized compromising situation. One that could lead to being judged by others. Any parent surely, wouldn’t want just ‘any guy’ to touch and hug their daughters, no? If as a parent we are vigilant towards the guy our girls go out with, why doesn’t the same rule apply to these K-Pop guys.

Some argued that these guys ‘asked for permission’ before proceeding with the gimmick. IMHO, they shouldn’t ask in the first place – a strange boy should not freely touch any girl who are not theirs to keep. But hey, this is an entertainment industry – I don’t work in one – I don’t know how the dynamics work. So lets leave it at that.

I feel sorry for the girls who got caught up in the hysterical moment. I mean, if Angelina Jolie or Beto Kusyairy himself were to walk into my casualty department for a fracture, I wouldn’t hesitate to be the first to attend to their ailments. It’s called being human, being in awe – only Insya-Allah, I would know to restrain myself and not take a selfie with Angie if she was still recovering from her anaethesia for instance. Or touching Beto unnecessarily on the cheeks when he has a broken leg.

A Dr Harlina brought up an interesting point regarding this problem. About how we should start educating girls/ women in the art of expressing an Assertive NO. Of knowing how to refuse or deny one of something in a manner deemed proper, with diplomacy, not aggressive but getting the point across. If the girls managed to exercise an Assertive NO on stage- this probably wouldn’t happen. The gimmick of hugging would probably be replaced with a serenade or a dance.

I wished I read her piece on this many years ago. Even now I still struggle with the ability to say an Assertive NO. Especially when a non Muslim man wants to shake your hand for a wonderful job well done et cetera..

Recently, my Facebook feed was flooded with varied responses to the K-pop incident. I couldn’t agree more as I witnessed how it has been blown out of proportion. I don’t see how arresting the girls for indecency could help. Nor does holding the organizing committee wholly accountable a good move. Why not resort to counselling or community service. Or establishing guidelines to international performing artistes regarding local customs. And please, we are not talking solely about pantang larang dalam Islam, but budaya sopan santun, budi bahasa as an asian community (dayak, cina, india etc). The vision of wanting our girls to have fun yet abide to certain rules so they remain protected.

Already, they feel embarassed with their photos gone viral and circulated around the web. Not to mention the ‘punishment’ they’re getting at home from the parents. And now this? What about the mass molestation we see in our Malay dramas reality TV shows? Do they get to walk away unharmed because they are not wearing a hijab? Or that they have to hug each other because it’s part of the job? Which is ironically written by a muslim as well. Tak payah tgk jauh – Arianna Rose was written by a lady in a hijab , directed by a woman in hijab and yet we see Keith Foo and Nur Fathia acting very chummy towards each other. Oh lupa.. tuntutan skrip. Seems like a lot have to be done to get the Assertive NO message across. Cause apart from our youngsters, adults and warga emas are struggling too.

Our Hijab Scene

It was second year of medical school and a small group of us decided to jalan2 at Egypt. Mainly to see the majestic pyramids and sphinx. We have never been so interested in World History before that we actually took the initiative to read history before we came. We enjoyed the food – shish kebab, lamb and all.. although one of my vegetarian friends  couldn’t help lamenting , “makan aubergine lagi.. skit2 aubergine.. dah jadi terung dah muka aku ni”

Egypt

Travelling as a student means budget. Cheap rooms, transport and full use of our student cards. So our time was greatly spent on people watching as we wait for the train, for the meals, for the room etc. I remembered being in awe looking at the young ladies of Cairo being all fashionable in their clothing and hijab at the railway station. Back then, muslimah wear in Msia is baju longsleeve sukan with jeans or at most an old ladies blouse in trying to appear ‘different’. Nowadays, Msia’s hijab scene is so varied and is to die for. The colors are exciting, the style is just ‘vogue’. So much so we are seeing the active sprouting of online boutiques selling appropriate muslimah wear.

Instagram on the other hand, is flooded with #ootd  #muslimahfashion

Every woman just appeared so pretty and empowered. I couldn’t help being carried away admiring their prowess and choice of clothing until I came across a picture while exploring Instagram.

To me it was just a picture of girls in their hijab celebrating a moment of happiness together. It looked like a baby shower for one of the ladies and so these group of young mothers decided to take a groufie. Naturally, once it is posted on Instagram under a public setting, comments would ensue. The usual comments were like

“nice!’

or “so happy for you guys” all positive until one apparently very upset Instagram user using a pseudonym said, “how revolting and disgusting, aurat is not just the hijab!”

Eventhough I was not in the picture, I was taken aback. I had to read it again to make sure I got it right. Why would this person say something like that. This lovely picture of girls in their long dresses and jubah with hijab was being labeled as ‘revolting’ and swaying from the concept of aurat!! It was easy to just dismiss the comment and mark the person as a party pooper. Or A traditionalist. Or An extremist. But I didn’t disregard it. I took note and decided to ponder this negativity and search for the meaning of ‘revolting and disgusting’ from this users point of view. i wanted to understand why.

I had another look of the photo searching for clues of sin. Then it struck me – there is something wrong with the photo. While it is harsh to scream out SIN, it was worth thinking about. The user wasn’t entirely biased or making false accusations. The Wrong is there but the teguran was still I feel … could be gentler. For even I could make the same mistake.

Back to the picture, I began to see the don’ts in muslimah wear. Their jubah were actually tight-fitting and they were posing in a very ‘compromising and seducing’ position. Butts out, chest out and one even had her hands placed nicely on a well-defined baby bump – underneath the long maternity dress. It was just like my ustazah used to say in class – jangan menampakkan rupa tubuh badan dalam menjaga aurat. Regardless if its a baby bump or a news set of boÔbs. Another lady was blowing imaginary kisses in between her two other friends throwing cheeky, flirting smiles. Again, a reminder to be modest and practice ‘malu‘ in our daily living. It was a moment of harsh reality. What appeared to be an innocent photograph had more meaning insinuating within. Not to mention the crimes I have committed when it comes to choice of colors or materials of my baju kurung. Or the exposed forearm and foot which takes more effort to cover.

It is easy to overlook on these things because they are rarely discussed or pointed out in daily living and workplace unless one actively goes for usrah or ceramah keagamaan. I suppose we should be grateful to have these muslimah fashion police around although much hikmah in dakwah is appreciated. 

Aurat chart

“Be like the flower who even gives its fragrance to the hand that crushes it” 

Imam Ali

I found an interesting thing about aurat today on FB. Posted on a friends wall. Worth sharing.

I had tried to implement the teaching in my married life early this year. It was difficult. Felt awkward and managed to keep up only for a few visits. Soon, it’ll be Raya. It will take courage and patience to uplift the teachings of Islam despite people questioning,

Dalam rumah pun mok bertudung?

or

Sesama ipar pun mok bertudung juak?

Dugaan seorang wanita. This is where a husband should come in for support. Wife wants to do good and give you pahala here man..