Midlife Crisis – is this half of the years that I have in this life?

I had a moment of enlightenment a few months ago. And I took action on it. I decided to study part time. I made some enquiries to friends who are already on that path and those who have completed their studies. Some were encouraging, some tried to talk me out of it.

This could be a mid life crisis. Gosh, maybe. I am after all only 37 years old this year. If this is halfway through my lifeline – my impending death would be at 74? Hanya Allah Yang Maha Mengetahui.

I am taking a huge leap of faith here to juggle the many things on my plate right now. I will be missing more sleep hours and personal time. I am convincing myself that this is called Sacrifice. Most of my hours studying is online via modules and pre-recorded lectures on top of completing assignments with grueling deadlines.

There are a few certain things for now;

  • I have no intention to become a specialist in any field of medicine. Anesthesia will always be my first love. I tried to put in similar determination and passion into primary care just as I did into emergency medicine but after 2 years, I just feel that it is not working out for me. I do not enjoy the nature of primary care. As a responsible medical practitioner, I will of course still develop my knowledge and upgrade my skills to ensure I become a safe doctor but the drive to do so is not because I want to be a specialist. Its more of that I can be a safe doctor to serve my patients needs.
  • I have my husbands support. Knowing that he is OK with me doing this would mean him being able to support me and my schedule accordingly.
  • Accepting that the world is my oyster and that I am free to roam in it as however I wish and who ever I want to become.

I am pursuing a Bachelors Degree in Psychology with Honours. I am aware that having this scroll will not make me a psychiatrist. I am keeping my options open for other career options that this field may offer if I chose to upgrade on it stage by stage. I do not have to be a doctor forever you know. What if I want to work in a company as an organizational therapist. Or sit in my own office providing counselling or psychotherapy services as a private, registered practitioner. Perhaps delve into a popular or contemporary form of psychology. Or be the best ever social worker with a medical degree, an invaluable aide to Syed Azmi’s cause. I dunno.

I am envisioning a world where people need more help with their mental health from all walks of life. We are seeing a rise in people who could not manage their emotions and channel them appropriately to the extent of harming themselves and others. I also people who have a very distorted perception of how to treat another human being and their surroundings. I see communities falling apart as they place more value as an individual than coming together as one. We see more and more empty vessels making loud noises flooding social media, which is a huge influence in our lives nowadays – dishing out nonsensical advice to those who actually needs guidance. The world has gotten bitter and sick. Maybe I have a role here somewhere.

I will be blogging about my journey as a mature student in NotaMinci and a separate IG account, HOBOMINCI. I had wanted to document there my path towards becoming an anesthetist. However, survival of the fittest showed me that I am just not fit enough for that road. I failed to get into the programme twice and at the same time my social and biological clock is ticking. So I need a diversion. A form of affirmation to myself that I am meant to blossom but maybe not within the perimeter of an operating theatre or the ICU. Maybe it is best I blossom in the wild outside medicine where I don’t have to tiptoe and watch my back. Instead be loose and free like the dandelion in the wind. Only to sprout again in other terrains and bring happiness to humanity.

Staycation at The Shore Hotel & Residences, Melaka

Our residential area has been affected by the recent water rationing measure due to the low water level in our dams. We have been on an alternate day roster since early February. Our water supply is dependent on the little tank on days without water. Hence it is a mandi burung, berak perpada kind of affair. On days where water is supplied, we get to do the laundry, do some exercise (hence able to wash hair) and other cleaning chores. I have never took cleaning so seriously until this happened. Rajin plak tetiba nak menge-mop.

Interestingly, last weekend Mr Husband booked a hotel room at The Shores Hotel & Residences, Melaka for a 3D2N stay there. He was surprised to see price plunges and placed a booking for a Studio Suite Room since hotels are not affected by the water rationing schedule. The Shore is not to be mistaken with Swiss Garden Hotel despite towering beside each other.

Our room was facing a beautiful skyline at night. We have a mini fridge, the usual amenities with complimentary beverages (upon checking in only) and spacious single beds. The bathroom was not kid friendly because of the near transparent glass windows and so I preferred to shower at night. Good for me though as I get to shower longer and scrub down my dirt. The shower gels had a lovely scent to it.

I brought my laptop with me and did some studying on my uni portal. The FREE WIFI speed was awesome. We did not choose the breakfast option in our stay as Mr Husband preferred to buy roti canai at the nearby 24 hours mamak just underneath the hotel. You will never starve in Melaka. InsyaAllah. The 24 hours convenience store is also of walking distance.

We played tourist and had lunch at Dataran Pahlawan. We ate at Johnny’s. I really loved the sauce they serve with the meal and of course the tomyam. I am salivating (again) as I blog of this.

The kids enjoyed the swimming pool on Level 23. There is a gym aesthetically placed over the pool with a connecting bridge. It is so Instagrammable but I did not bring my shoe. There was a tragedy though in the pool less than a year ago where a young boy drowned. It made headlines in the local paper for a few days. I hope the family is coping well.

You could get to the SkyDeck if you want at the 43rd floor but we didn’t do that. We were lucky that during our stay, there were not many visitors. Maybe because of Covid-19. Cause I couldn’t imagine how 4 lifts are going to serve the whole tower. It would be a very very long wait on each floor.

It was a short and memorable staycation. Although I was a bit pissed at first for the abrupt getaway (cause I love a planned vacay), I was glad that we went ahead with the rush anyway. Sometimes you just gotta let the wind take you to where it wants to blow. I felt rejuvenated. I was able to bathe without a time restriction and water quota. I get to apply a facial mask while studying in an air conditioned environment for hours without having to think of skyrocketing bills. I get to see the moon and stars in the night by just stepping out into the balcony. And I get to have my husband with me over the weekend with the kids in one room at most times. LOL.

Thank you Mr Husband

The little princess. NINIE

Grasping the unspoken rule

Every morning en route to sending my youngest to nursery, I would pass by a primary school. The parents would drive in a bee line and send their kids in front of the school gate where the teachers and security guard are waiting to assist the drop off safely.

I used to also wait in that bee line as the turn to Ninie’s nursery is just around the corner. Later, I improvised and sent Ninie using a different entry route but my exit was still the road in front of the school. It was very congested because the road (in the morning) looked like it could only fit vehicles going through one way.

I later observed an unspoken rule amongst these parents. They were meant to drive in a loop. You drop off your kid –> take the turn (the one I took for my kid) and then take another left turn into this first row of residential houses and exit accordingly. Inadvertently, I began doing the same although my kid is not going to the school.

The unspoken rule is everywhere. In medicine for instance, it is allowed to prescribe T. Metformin 1g TDS a day for a patient but normal practice only allows a maximum of 1g BD. Similarly, on prescribing HCTZ. Despite the safe dose of 50mg OD, better clinical practice would suggest only 12.5mg OD.

The unspoken rule exists in a family structure too. I cook, you clean. I wash the laundry, you fold the pile. I prepare breakfast, you think of dinner. No instructions involved but people get it and abide to it.

What can you tell from the Unspoken Rule?

You are part of the group

Needless to say part of the family, a community or fraternity. You have observed enough to understand the unspoken rule.

Derives from the best practice

.. with the best results. The drop off loop was unintentionally created most probably by a few parents first driven by logic to ease the congestion. Other parents began to follow suit having seen the results even though it takes a while to make that turn. Other exit methods exist too like making a U Turn or using the main road exit but this loop has proven to be the most practical.

Exclusive. Inclusive

The rule thus enables one to sift out newbies, wannabes etc. If say, someone went against the loop rule – this would raise a flag to the parents that this car owner is not a parent of a child in the school, an outsider OR this parent is simply a rule breaker and being ignorant.

While these rules are in place for the betterment of the community abiding to it, there are some unspoken rules which are ridiculous. I am sure some of us have come across that which then creates unnecessary stress in our lives. Do you have one? What was the most absurd, invisible rule you had to follow in your daily life?

Memory keeping with Photobook Malaysia

It’s an aging thing – memory keeping. Little girls grow up to become young ladies to later turn into women and soon.. aunties that loves the monstera deliciosa species and looking at old photos.

Despite the many photos I have uploaded and kept in my phone and stored in my cloud – I feel I need to have physical photos to look at once I get very old and feeble. InsyaAllah kalau umur panjang.

Recently Photobook had a Payday promotion. I can print 100 pieces of 4R Matte photos for only RM28 (including delivery). I used the offer to print out photos of my kids. Then, I brought another voucher in a different promotion which allows me to print 200 photos for only RM32. I used it to compile photos of my parents in law and hope to present it in an album and give it to my MIL on her birthday.

Photobook lets you save your work on the My Project section. You could use photos from your own desktop, digital files or even Google photos. My recent project were mostly from Google photos. It can be quite a pain to find the photo that you want from there if you’re not organized especially when you want to print 100 pieces. I suggest you start organizing the photos on your Google account a.s.a.p. Prior to starting a project on photobook, I put the images that I want in an album on Google photos. I labeled it as Photobook project 100 photos. This is so – that when I start my project, I can just upload the photos from that existing album instead of having to scroll in the little space for the photo that you want.

I also find that some vouchers do not work on the Mobile App. Hence, to be sane.. use your laptop/desktop. Delivery was super efficient. In Malaysia, you can expect your photos to be delivered as fast as 2 working days via GDex.

My next photo printing projects will be mostly on our travels. Perhaps I’d do a coffee table book to get conversations started. Or turn photos into interesting momentos. We will see.