Emotional rollercoaster

Last week was actually an emotional rollercoaster for me. However, because I am in my own Trumans show – I have to play the part where I put on that Mr Bean face when he was on that rollercoaster ride. Emotionally stunted with not a care in the world. Growing up in a family with a vibe that very few people have an optimum level of mental health, I cannot help thinking if I would turn to be one of those without too – will I be the schizophrenic, the bipolar one or the depressed one. Should I hope to be the one with dementia as I age on.

PATIENCE

Being Patient] 102 Quotes To read when loosing patience. | Following  Fulfillment
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Last week I was a punching bag. Last week I was the talk of the town (topic of the lunch hour gossip session). just because I decided to speak my mind. Turns out most girls don’t like it when you lay out the problem with intent to solve it. They prefer to talk about it behind the person they have a beef with, react by displacing those anger onto other people and not solving the root of the problem.

Last week I was also ignored by my own mother as she embarked on her so called spiritual journey. Well, my sister was equally ignored. ha ha ha. We can only assume she’s still crossed that we were against her interstate trip out of concern for Covid19. Mother was not picking up our calls despite the BD trials few days in a row. We had thought it was because of poor connections. Turned out she still had time to send her pictures mingling with her newfound friends and ‘daughter’ to our youngest brother. So yeh, I guess we are those neglected daughters once again. Oh well.. she will eventually reach out once she gets into a fight with those new friends. We will still wipe her bum if she’s bedridden one day cause despite the shortcomings, we were raised to still honour our parents. Only wished that dad, being the lifetime partner and all would exhibit more effort to show his wife that he cares and not just a facebook stunt. duak kali limak jak nya duak ya.

I am already physically tired with work and managing the household. And now I have to endure all these emotional aftermaths on my side of the field. People seems to think that it is OK to behave the way they did because ‘as a student of psychology, I should be able to understand’. Thing is, I am still a student of psychology, I am still learning the theories and adapting that to real life. We don’t just get things in our first year of study!

Anyway, the discomfort is slowly passing as I ease my way into diverting my focus onto other aspects in life. I have become very good in dissociating myself from problems, removing myself from equations and be my own entity. Burning bridges – What a way to end 2020.

How did the 2020 bucket list go

I was scanning through the bucket list in my hobonichi megaweeks page. Despite the pandemic, it hasn’t been THAT stagnant after all. The ones I could not achieve were mostly ones that involve social interaction, travel and group activities. The rest of the attainable targets were individual goals and displays of love for my home, my family and always, for MYSELF.

I have yet to be able to shrink into a size that can fit a Minimalace outfit. I am still looking for that Pakistani briyani recipe like the delicious ones I had in Manchester as a student. Briyani diorg lain sangat and I really really miss it. I am putting my hopes up high for the chance to go for umrah next year as I am curious why people miss Umrah so much. Even better, I would like to go for haji. In fact, I am still making deposits into my TH account with references like ‘doakan saya pergi haji’ , ‘beri saya peluang pegi haji’ with the hope that the TH people will read it and push up my ranks as candidates for hajj.

I’d like to go to a Siti Nurhaliza concert or an Nsync concert or maybe it is time to embrace my K-pop soul , a Blackpink or BTS concert. Yikes.. ahjumma goin to these concerts are surely going to turn heads.

I had thought that 2020 would be a great time to play host for everything. A laksa eating session, doterra gathering (thinking of opting out of the scheme at the moment), a book club meeting, a breakfast club meet up at homes, writing journals beramai2 or just something that involves makan2, swafoto and a beautiful atmosphere. Alas, the pandemic got the better of it and I have yet to host anything at my home.

Next year I am starting small with the list. And hope to achieve more with those baby steps in 2021. What about you? how did your list went this year? Is there anything that you’d like to put back on the list for 2021?

10 year plan

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Suddenly I am committed to this 10 year plan. This 10 year plan will InsyaAllah end with an early retirement from KKM but also the kick-off a new career. I have visualized the end, I just need to stick to the mini milestones and make it happen.

That is Plan A.

Plan B is to continue with KKM until I am 58 years old.

I really want Plan A to work.

A Friend. A Colleague.

How can you tell if your work colleague is now your friend? What line did they cross to qualify themselves as a friend in the workplace? Is it accurate to say that a colleague is automatically a friend when you have lunch together? Or there are more gestures to it? Like having to share details about your personal life, to only then be considered a friend as opposed to a colleague? If I add you as a friend on Facebook, surely that means we are, NO?

To be honest, I don’t have a precise answer. Perhaps it is meant to be rhetoric?

I am thinking about this Friend Vs Colleague question because I had a pitfall in communication with a friend at work today. I have always thought that if you consider someone as your friend, your choice of words and tone would be a bit different during a conversation compared to when it is with a colleague. The topic of discussion would also be more chummy and less formal since we’re friends. Thus, when it comes to correcting a mistake and all, I feel there is a different approach when you need to reprimand a friend as opposed to just another work colleague.

A lady came to the clinic for a health documentation issue. It was a matter which could, in my opinion, be resolved on the same day. However, this friend who happened to see that lady decided that it should be addressed on a different date. My enquiry to his plan resulted in a few exchanges that ended with a statement by him that took me aback. Simply because it wasn’t something that I would expect a friend would say to another. Honestly, I felt a bit hurt. Hati tisu, tengah menses some more. Tengok kucing sembelit pun boleh nangis. Hahaha.

After the statement, I could sense a change in the atmosphere of the room. We would usually have small chats in between patients but this morning it just felt awkward. We were still talking to each other but it was minimal and superficial. I think we both tried to pretend that everything is OK. That I was not offended with his statement. I convinced myself that him saying that, was just him being himself (which is kinda true.. don’t we all accept the true colours of our friends – be it good or bad?) I persuaded myself to think that perhaps he was having a bad day and this lady was just the final straw that made him tick.

But it also made me think if through his eyes, whether I was a Friend or just a Colleague to him? Cause to me, he is a friend and there is a possibility that this friendship I’m offering to him was never actually reciprocated in the first place.

o.m.g

Leftover food and the Wife

When the wife is miserable, there is a fat chance that the source of her agony comes from the husband. Vice versa. Unless he doesn’t love her anymore thus stress is more work related.

This is the cause of my misery today. Leftover nasi penyet pecel lele. This situation could have been avoided IF the husband has been frank in saying “ I don’t want any lunch today BECAUSE I got jamuan back to back at the office”. Instead, he also placed an order and this thing has been in the fridge for two days since Friday.

Knowing him, he doesn’t eat old food. He only eats fresh food and yet when he prepares a meal, he COOKS LIKE HE IS FEEDING THE HOMELESS IN THE WHOLE CITY! It is not funny. Cause I don’t like to waste food and regardless how self-sacrificing I become by eating the leftovers from my kids and from his overzealous cooking, I still need to control my calories.

Even after I finish this meal, I have 3 CONTAINERS of BIHUN in the fridge which are leftovers from yesterdays BREAKFAST! God knows what he was thinking when he decided to cook ONE BIG PACKET OF BIHUN !!! Perhaps he was thinking it’ll be a good idea to eat it for lunch AND DINNER but turns out he only had it for lunch. His food portion estimates are soooooooo off. So inaccurate. And yet, for today HE ENTHUSIASTICALLY FRIED CEKODOK IN THE PORTION OF HALF PACKET OF 1 KG FLOUR. CAN YOU SENSE MY AGITATION HERE? Thankfully, that cekodok dah habis or I would have thrown it to the monkeys at the nearby graveyard.

So yes, I am seriously considering getting my hands into composting leftover food. At least, it will make me feel better knowing that the food will not go to waste and recycled into some sort of nourishing source for the soil and plants.

I saw a friend on Facebook posting on the Bokashi ? method. Then, there are other companies also promoting their form of composting for domestic wastes. Prices were steep compared to the type of compost in they sell on Shopee. I am confused. I need to read more about composting my food safely and use the ‘ends’ of it for my mini garden.

Do you have any experience of doing your own compost? Share with me your experience in the comments.