September life wisdoms

September has been painful so far and I am consoling myself by watching a similarly agonizing KDrama on the web. I didn’t feel like going for the opposite effect. I choose to inflict emotional pain onto myself at my own will. I want this to be my low moment, so I could lay down low, be invisible and later rise up from the ashes for a hopefully better start.

I learnt a few lessons on life such as;

PRIORITY– to realize that you as a person and whatever you represent is not a priority just sucks. Despite the many excuses people give to smooth the edges, I personally feel that even if say there is a party happening 4 states away, if it is of value to you – you would by hook or by crook make it there. Of course, decision making in real life is not that easy. For instance, I feel that my family is always my priority but if they have sports day on say, an audit day at work – I’d still have to sacrifice my family in favour for work. It is a cruel world.

A TEAM CAN ONLY BE AS STRONG AS ITS WEAKEST MEMBER – and it can be a pain when you have more than one weak link. While I try to empower my group members for a certain project and remain optimistic, the burden is heavy to carry after a while. Group work cannot be successful if everybody is not willing to pull their own weight. I cannot be the only one brainstorming, putting it on powerpoint and then expecting me to present the whole thing just because it was my idea!

OLD HABITS DIE HARD – a recent close relative family affair came to light a few days ago. I was intrigued to hear that despite someone being in their 60s, they can still exhibit negative traits of their younger selves after all these years. An elderly person is just a person who has live longer. Their experience, wisdom etc may not be as parallel though.

YOU ARE AT A PLACE WHERE ALLAH WANTS YOU TO BE RIGHT NOW – always sangka baik towards Allah. While I was bummed about a few things, in retrospective I feel that some things are meant to happen for a bigger purpose. We may not be able to solve the puzzle now but the pieces are finding a way to put themselves together so you can see the intended, completed picture.

Event cancellation – my response

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I had an event which was supposed to happen on the 14th of September 2019. It is organized by my school batch alumni (Batch 2000).  Unfortunately, it had to be cancelled which was something I did not expect. I thought the worst that could happen was for people not to show up after they register. A late start mayeb. Or that I would mess up with the event/booth booking or something. Perhaps I was too naive to think that,

aktiviti persatuan.. takkanlah boleh cancel…’

‘surely by hook or by crook, the event will still have to be up and running’

It took a while to kickstart the planning for the project.

Hence, I took the onus of searching for an event space outside Melaka because most of my batch mates live near the area of Kuala Lumpur and Selangor. As someone who is not well versed to the area in these states, most of my research is thus online. But since no one wanted to do it, I thought I’d volunteer even though it was a bit difficult on my part when it comes to scouting the area and such.

I was then on a series of communication frenzy on whatsapp and email with many different people outside of the medical field. I was learning many new things – procedures, figures of speech and interesting terms related to these events. It’s a mix of party, soul searching and networking. I was on an adrenaline high and super excited to make things work despite minimal evident support from most fellow members of the group. I confided in myself saying that “.. they are busy, they will make their contribution later”

In less than a week, I managed to secure an event space and a prominent speaker. An instafamous speaker who does Quran tagging and such. Everything was presented to the Top Committee and since no negative feedback was received, I thought everything was going very well and wanted to give an extra token of friendship for my friends who will be attending the event. I hunted for items suitable as door gifts with a reasonable price tag. I feel it would serve as a good form of sedekah as well.

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I also decided to go a bit extra in terms of decorating the place and setting the mood hence bought miscellaneous decor items and fragrance sachets from Kaison. I was that excited.

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The time finally came to start promoting the event. We were not pulling the crowd that we hoped for and everyone was worried. Perhaps it was the long holidays but it was already the final weekend of the consecutive 3. Surely, you would want to just stay in KL, right?

But we were wrong and suddenly all the previously dormant members of the group woke up and begin asking questions and making changes to the plan. Suddenly everyone has a suggestion and a quotation of some sort. Was I frustated? DEFINITELY. Bitter? Unfortunately, like any other human being, I was. In fact, on the verge of being pissed off for not recognizing the warning signs of this possibility to occur. Some of these red flags include;

  • less than 50% of support within the same cluster of people. If you have 10 people in the group and only 3 people are committed and on board, you might want to reconsider your project. It will be a waste of time.
  • the top committee are not checking with you from time to time regarding the project. This of course can be a two prong interpretation of such action. It’s either they have full trust in you and your team or simply not paying attention
  • members of the top committee not planning to attend the event or substitute with someone of the same management hierarchy. For instance, if the president cannot attend – the vice president should fill in the shoes. If not, the secretary. What should not happen is the head of a biro who leads the programme and also fills in the shoes as the VIP. That my friends, is a syok sendiri programme.
  • More than 2 person in the group starts assuming multiple roles in the programme. For instance, a runner is also the MC, the usher and manning the registration.

The above is of course just my mere observation. So once the event got cancelled, I had two options on how to respond;

  1. Remain bitter and just refuse to participate in any form of fundraising activities until the big reunion is over.
  2. Conduct a self postmortem, reflect on the situation and learn from it. Hopefully not repeating the mistakes in the future.

I chose the latter choice but it undeniably took me quite a while to work out my emotions. I felt betrayed. Angry. However since I have a lot of responsibilities and projects to shoulder in September, I must move on so that I could concentrate on those tasks.

MY COPING STRATEGIES

  • I distanced myself from social media for a while – just so I won’t vent on bitch mode. Now that I’m calmer, I could blog about it in a hopefully more sensible mode. Did you guys think I manage the wrath well or I can do better? ha ha
  • Writing in my HoboMinci feels good and that was exactly what I did 20190817_204343-017306390315441347442.jpeg
  • I utilized my doterra oils by diffusing calming blends and apply it topically. 20190617_220207-015448911350119519874.jpeg
  • I also bluntly expressed my frustration to those who were concerned, just so they know I have feelings and hopefully would not take my (future) efforts for granted.
  • I made dua to Allah that He would protect me from ill feelings and thoughts. I feel religion in a way helps me to nurture Sabar and accept Qada’ and Qadar. I like to believe that whatever He decides to take away, He will replace with something better and whatever that is happening now is the best for me. InsyaAllah.. 

As for the gifts I intended to give my friends, I will keep hold of them. I am sure Allah has plans for them. Perhaps to give to those more deserving. I don’t know. InsyaAllah. 

The perfect path by Allah. You just need to find it. And pray that you find it.

I believe that there is always A Reason For Everything. That we are here for a bigger purpose. For a certain purpose. It’s Qada’ and Qadar. It’s the Circle of Life to some. These demonstrations of Power and Knowing All from Allah comes in simple ways and sometimes it comes by in a difficult scenario.

The Attire

Once, my mom gave me this beautiful green top from Indonesia, a colour that I may not choose for myself but willing to wear if its a gift from someone. Just a blouse waiting to match with a proper bottom and headscarf. It turns out that I already have the other 2 items randomly matched to other pieces of clothing in my wardrobe.I then realize that when this particular outfit was put together, it came out to be a perfect attire. Despite the scarf was something I bought a year ago and the pants, a choice I’ve had since my maternity days – when the time is right, these clothings served as the perfect choice for the blouse at that given moment.

While on its own with different dressing combinations, the headscarf may not appear outstanding. However with time and the correct moment, it changes its fate to become a must item for the new attire with the green top as they go so well with each other. So I trust that if now I feel useless, less successful as compared to my colleagues, with time I will blossom to the purpose I am meant to be. Until then, I should persevere, work hard , pray and trust Allah.

The Cesarean section

A pregnant lady had an immunocompromised condition. Under unclear circumstances, she was not the best high risk pregnant patient as she frequently defaulted appointments with her designated midwife . It comes to a point where she falsified some of her medical details in her antenatal book which unfortunately to the unknown, she appeared as another normal pregnant lady.

One day she went into early labor and went to the nearest clinic. The medical staff at this rural clinic had no idea she was a high risk patient and trusted the records completely on what was written in her book. They managed her accordingly and she was sent to the tertiary centre for further care. We have no idea what the intentions of this lady is but Allah was Kind and Most Merciful to the medical staff and also the baby. There was an indication for an emergency cesarean section and the baby came out safely.

It was only later that a close friend of hers disclosed to the nursing staff that she was immunocompromised which means medical staff needs to practice strict universal precaution on top implementing specific standard of care towards high risk patients. Of course investigations into the matter ensued but what intrigued me more was the fact that Allah knows best and that He made it possible to protect everyone including the newborn baby who was involved with the delivery.

Over Sea

My uncle who was stricken by renal cancer with metastases just passed away . He was in Sarawak. His brother, my father is 620 miles away in Selangor. If he had passed more than 3 years ago, I don’t think my parents would be able to fly back to Kuching and attend the funeral in such short notice.

However, they were able to do that today as they learnt the death of my uncle at 715PM and boarded the flight at 900PM using MAS Airlines. How was it possible? Because they had a son in law K, who works there, in MAS for the past 1 year . K’s story of how he ended there was not straight forward. Nor was the story of how he became my brother in law as he fought for his love (my sister) despite the many objections from both sides of the family. His life was full of trials and tribulations since he was very young. He is now stable and is serving well in MAS and to both of my parents. Because he works with MAS, he and his family were entitled to certain benefits and privileges. Amongst them, cheaper flight tickets.. and that was what my parents get to benefit from as well.

Allah has planned it so well to get the family to come together and love one another. Who would have thought that my brother in law would work with MAS one day as one of the ground staffs. But he did. For he worked hard. He prayed harder and asked from Allah good things. Best things in life. And the best plan of it all was that the timing of his death was on where the next day it is a public holiday. Hence my dad need not to worry about requesting leave from his superiors.

We need to sangka baik with Allah. For we know we are already given a head start to put one foot in heaven because we believe in HIM. We just need to prove that we are worth His Love and Trust, and that we could swing the other foot into heaven by doing good deeds in this life. Trust His plans. It is the most complete, the best path and personalized for each and everyone of us.

Superpower of Du’a

We can only do so much when it comes to dealing with human behaviour. It ain’t easy changing Obstinance to being Obedient or Compliant. It can be crippling to ones self-esteem or motivation when good intentions to help someone is misconstrued or simply ignored.

Which is precisely whats happening between me and one of my brothers. It is very hard to find a balance between being supportive but also careful not to ruffle any feathers. Men can be so sensitive. hahaha.

Because of this minor conflict, I begin to think about other people whose problems could be worse than mine. What if they’ve exhausted every single effort, grit and sweat to initiate a change greatly needed for the benefit of all? What else can they do?

many nights we pray, with no proof anyone could hear, in our hearts a hopeful song, we barely understood, now we are not afraid.. although we know there’s much to fear, we were moving mountains long, before we know we could..

There can be miracles when you believe

 

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hope for a miracle

…through prayers. through du’a.

I once went to a Quran TAgging workshop by AyeshaShahira and in our goodie file, we were each given this small , cute book that has Allah’s 99 names. I had thought to myself, ‘i know asmaul husna, why would they need to make a notebook out it’. 

Ayesha somehow made us understand more about the names of Allah. About curating our du’a. To be in Allah’s good books.

We should strive to learn all 99 names of ALLAH. InsyaAllah, it will please Him and make our wishes underneath the great big sky sound so so beautiful. Indeed, ask from Allah for help, to help you help others. In my case, it would be me asking from Allah to give guidance to my brother in the best way possible so he could become a better person. Maybe give him a life changing dream or something to get him a head start in life. Allah knows best, for He shapes our Qadak dan Qadar. .

Finally, I’m not sure if you realize it or not, but for a muslim to make du’a for someone else’s well being is one of the most rewarding thing you could do for yourself too.

“…the dua of a muslim for his brother (in Islam) in his absence is readily accepted, and an angel is appointed to his side, whenever he makes a beneficial dua for his brother the appointed angel says “Ameen and may you also be blessed with the same”

[Muslim]

Are you tired? Try the spiritual solution – Tasbih Fatimiyyah

I am currently experiencing another burnout.

We are at this season where we are seeing up to 200+ patients a day. Despite trying to space out appointments – it is always full at this time of the year. The burden is shared between at least 6 medical docs in a day but sometimes we have to make do with 4. And that could be exhausting with all the talking and thinking. There is just no time to take a sip of that water or go to the loo.

Then there is family to think about. My unfolded laundry is so piled up I could actually make 2 forts out of it. I have not been cooking as much too. I rarely watch TV. But I always make time for my HoboMinci, doTERRA and blog. Well, I try. Because these are outlets I need to go to after a stressful day.

Sometimes I get cross when I feel that my husband is not pulling his weight in the household – only to realize that he too is doing what he can for the family on top of completing his phD. The fact that he preps breakfast for the kids and shower them in the morning is a blessing already. I should be grateful. Alhamdulilah. Coz the only thing I do in the morning is take care of myself anyway. And he never demands for homecooked  dinner.

It is at times like this that I feel I want to quit. Or I hate my job sorta thing. But I know I have to keep going and move on. So – take that pit stop, repair what you need and get on your way. Coincidentally, I came across a short clip by Aida Azlin recently which struck a chord in my heart. She talks about tasbih fatimiyyah and I guess that is how we wage war against tiredness etc. We nurture the power of the mind with zikr & doa.

Tasbih fatimiyyah:

subhanallah x33

alhamdulillah x33

allahuakbar x34

with 100% conviction from our heart

Zikir to me are not just words. But it’s a form of worship where we could take as a conversation and speak to Allah about our problems and ask that He helps solve it. InsyaAllah. 

With Zikr and doa, I pray that Allah bestowed upon me this path of turmoil and challenges because He thinks I am worthy of it. And that something good will come out of it. Mana tau dalam penat, takde selera makan kita jadi kurus. Ha ha ha ha.