Bet that is what every KKM personnel feels like saying to netizens. Yang kerja kat spital dah macam separuh mati, having to now make priorities tang siapa ada better chance of survival untuk get the resources, yang netizen mulut puaka masih tak faham bahasa. Suruh vaksin sebagai usaha tak nak.. semua pun Yahudi. Eyy.. aku pun dah fedap dah ngan Covid-19 taw.
Although in comparison to my colleagues yang kerja in intensive care all, kerja kat KK tak seberat tu – we are at war with mentality and the actions that come with it. We still participate in sampling and triaging patients for admission. We try our best to keep our patients from having to admit into hospital but the circumstances macam ada ripple effect to each other. Covid to them mcm tkde apa. Tapi percayalah.. bila dah mencungap esok kat wad, manusia yang kau maki tu jugaklah yang akan jaga kau. Yg akan make sure you dpt mengucap syahadah sebelum dikomakan. Sebelum di-intubate. Cause you might not wake up.
Malaysians have a big problem with their perception. Dahlah pemahaman tak seberapa, ligat plak media sosial. Tak ke sia-lan je natijahnya. In my psychology module, it takes a whole semester to just study about it. It is not as simple as I talk to you, you understand. I show you, you get it. There’s a lot of process going behind that less than one millisecond human activity.
Netizens know alcohol, arak is haram. Tapi ketum and rokok haram tak boleh accept. Is it because they are limited to what they learn from school.
Netizens know it is a big sin to mempersekutukan Allah. To them, syirik is solely bomoh who does rituals with smoke, chicken and yellow cloth. But wearing an amulet is considered okay. Could this be a culture thing? is there a discrepancy between religion and culture assimilation.
Netizens know that mahjong, Las Vegas or Genting is judi. But is unable to see that cuci duit, scratch cards is also judi. Perhaps they have not had enough experience or knowledge to identify those activities as such.
Belum lagi citer pasal yang maki segala jenis benda dia boleh maki. Education, economy, legislation, freedom of speech… fenin sis.
Both of this KDrama has a lot of face to face verbal dissing scenes. The type where the antagonist and protagonist talk to each other, scream if they must but not to the extent of laying hands on each other. Very rarely a hair pull or a grip at the collar. It’s just words of threats and sarcasm. They even applaud each other if the opponent managed to defeat them.
When I watch these scenes, I couldn’t help being in awe with the characters (although fiction). It takes a sharp mind and a lot of guts to come up with a counter sentence. What more having the facial expression of not wanting to step down from the fight, maintain the ego and just persist. It takes a lot of energy to be angry and talk to the enemy. I guess those with a Type A personality would feel at ease doing so. I’d probably remove myself from the situation. Ha ha.
The closest ‘fight’ I’ve witnessed similar to this was a bicker between colleagues. ON whatsapp. It was a dialogue which ended with a snickering emoji after each sentence. Still, the rest had popcorn while scrolling the messages going to and fro from each other. Lols. The tension died out … just as abrupt as how it started. Everything went back to normal after that.
I have always thought that Altruism is a mandatory value for a doctor. Unfortunately, it is not and upon realizing that, I felt so disappointed with the selfishness of some individuals who calls themselves doctors. Most of them nowadays are looking out more for themselves than for collective good.
Berkira dalam bekerja
“Not my programme, I am going to ignore every single thing about it”
“I don’t give a shit about what is happening at the other part of the clinic”
“Not my patient, don’t know, don’t care”
“Aku tak tau.. aku tak tau.. tanya Si Polan”
The last sentence was very very disappointing. Takkanlah tak sedar apa2 when you are sat right next to the person? Or at least make an effort to know what is happening around you. How can they live with themselves like that? How ignorant can a person get? Do I need to spell out ‘have a heart’ all the time.. ?
At this age, it seems that my meekness is still a weak point in my personality. Consequently I get manipulated but still find it difficult to speak up for myself. Ntahlah.. maybe because the end point of my service is that the patient is well taken care off. Perasaan sendiri belakang kira. I try not to play victim cause nobody is interested to hear anybody whine about anything but sometimes when you suppress these disappointments over a long period of time, you can feel the rage boiling within.
I also realize that I am bound to meet people with similar traits at any place I choose to work. Having said that, it is still up to me on how I choose to deal with the issue. I hope my psychology classes will help me understand these sort of behaviour. If I am lucky, I could initiate a change in behaviour either at my end or the other persons end of things.
Last week was actually an emotional rollercoaster for me. However, because I am in my own Trumans show – I have to play the part where I put on that Mr Bean face when he was on that rollercoaster ride. Emotionally stunted with not a care in the world. Growing up in a family with a vibe that very few people have an optimum level of mental health, I cannot help thinking if I would turn to be one of those without too – will I be the schizophrenic, the bipolar one or the depressed one. Should I hope to be the one with dementia as I age on.
Last week I was a punching bag. Last week I was the talk of the town (topic of the lunch hour gossip session). just because I decided to speak my mind. Turns out most girls don’t like it when you lay out the problem with intent to solve it. They prefer to talk about it behind the person they have a beef with, react by displacing those anger onto other people and not solving the root of the problem.
Last week I was also ignored by my own mother as she embarked on her so called spiritual journey. Well, my sister was equally ignored. ha ha ha. We can only assume she’s still crossed that we were against her interstate trip out of concern for Covid19. Mother was not picking up our calls despite the BD trials few days in a row. We had thought it was because of poor connections. Turned out she still had time to send her pictures mingling with her newfound friends and ‘daughter’ to our youngest brother. So yeh, I guess we are those neglected daughters once again. Oh well.. she will eventually reach out once she gets into a fight with those new friends. We will still wipe her bum if she’s bedridden one day cause despite the shortcomings, we were raised to still honour our parents. Only wished that dad, being the lifetime partner and all would exhibit more effort to show his wife that he cares and not just a facebook stunt. duak kali limak jak nya duak ya.
I am already physically tired with work and managing the household. And now I have to endure all these emotional aftermaths on my side of the field. People seems to think that it is OK to behave the way they did because ‘as a student of psychology, I should be able to understand’. Thing is, I am still a student of psychology, I am still learning the theories and adapting that to real life. We don’t just get things in our first year of study!
Anyway, the discomfort is slowly passing as I ease my way into diverting my focus onto other aspects in life. I have become very good in dissociating myself from problems, removing myself from equations and be my own entity. Burning bridges – What a way to end 2020.
I was scanning through the bucket list in my hobonichi megaweeks page. Despite the pandemic, it hasn’t been THAT stagnant after all. The ones I could not achieve were mostly ones that involve social interaction, travel and group activities. The rest of the attainable targets were individual goals and displays of love for my home, my family and always, for MYSELF.
I have yet to be able to shrink into a size that can fit a Minimalace outfit. I am still looking for that Pakistani briyani recipe like the delicious ones I had in Manchester as a student. Briyani diorg lain sangat and I really really miss it. I am putting my hopes up high for the chance to go for umrah next year as I am curious why people miss Umrah so much. Even better, I would like to go for haji. In fact, I am still making deposits into my TH account with references like ‘doakan saya pergi haji’ , ‘beri saya peluang pegi haji’ with the hope that the TH people will read it and push up my ranks as candidates for hajj.
I’d like to go to a Siti Nurhaliza concert or an Nsync concert or maybe it is time to embrace my K-pop soul , a Blackpink or BTS concert. Yikes.. ahjumma goin to these concerts are surely going to turn heads.
I had thought that 2020 would be a great time to play host for everything. A laksa eating session, doterra gathering (thinking of opting out of the scheme at the moment), a book club meeting, a breakfast club meet up at homes, writing journals beramai2 or just something that involves makan2, swafoto and a beautiful atmosphere. Alas, the pandemic got the better of it and I have yet to host anything at my home.
Next year I am starting small with the list. And hope to achieve more with those baby steps in 2021. What about you? how did your list went this year? Is there anything that you’d like to put back on the list for 2021?