Salam Ramadhan 1440H

Some people need their whole life to turn a new leaf. Some, need just a Ramadhan.

📸 🧕🏻

It is fasting season again and already I can predict the same unaccomplished goals repeating itself. Hahaha.

  • Quran tak abis baca
  • Puasa tak penuh becoz of haid
  • House not ready for raya
  • Self not ready for raya

I was so not in the mood for Eid last year that I could not be bothered to even get nasi impit. I think its because I just got a baby that year and was transfered to a new working place. Hence, knowing myself with regards to my festive season affective disorder – I applied for a one week leave off work a week before Syawal. Syawal is the month of Eid.

I would like to use that week to just contradict myself. (Wuttt) Meaning something along the lines of wanting to take a break from work but running errands for the house. So its not exactly resting or Me.Time exclusively as I know I will be going to the bank, get groceries, deep clean the house, bake eid cookies, preparing gifts for friends and families. And of course the duit raya. Who could forget that? Theres many little humans to pamper and shower with love.

2 nieces

3 nephews

My god sons and daughters. The beautiful list is endless.

Back when I was a medical officer in Hospital Jasin, I would usually volunteer to be oncall on the 2nd of Hari Raya. I would make my ward rounds in the paeds ward and then distribute some duit raya for the kids and babies. Of course they would get one on the first day of raya from the hospital. This, is my personal contribution. Now that I am in a primary care setting, I hope to continue that maybe with kids in klinik desa or something. We will see.

Ramadhan as a mom is different every year. Although most of my roles involve finishing up leftover meals of my kids ( thank goodness I only have 2) or become a walking encyclopedia/dictionary – it is always interesting to find out every year.

I now have a secret helper in the kitchen – Madam Coway. Gosh, I really like the idea of having icy cold water at the tip of my finger.

For my terawih ( a form of Ramadhan exclusive prayer) at home, I now have the doTERRA diffuser and essential oils to keep my spririt up and running. Ninie is also at a developmental milestone where she can obey simple command and walk. If she wants to 😑.

There is always something new to learn about myself and my family everyday. We all grow up better physically, emotionally or spriritually. It’s like that night nanny in Tully (movie) saying how we all ‘grow a little each night’

Not just babies. We all do.

A long day today, mothering

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My little princess was be taken ill today. It started with a bit of flu and mild cough for a few days but in the early hours of the morning, her body temperature had risen and she was irritable. Like really irritable.

Mr Husband could not take leave from his responsibilities (macamlah aku tkde) and so I had to thicken my skin and request for an emergency leave from my supervisor. Thankfully it was granted. Or I’d be damned.

Ninie was being very clingy the whole day. She wanted a hug all the time – which was so cute by the way. Awkward at times. Technically I had an audience when I showered, pee-ed and poo-ed. I made her nasi aruk telur for lunch and baby bolognese pasta for dinner. My own lunch was 2 slices of bramble jelly toast. She had her paracetamol and she was in her diapers only for the whole day. Once she got much better, she can play independently for 30 secs. Then, its looking for mummy again. I learnt that she loves the Hi-5 group today as she follows their gestures , something like dancing, wiggling her little tush.

Towards the end of the day, she seemed happier. I brought her outside of the house to visit our little garden. Alhamdulilah, our jambu air tree has bore its fruits. Now we are waiting for the mango to come out.

Caring for a sick child is exhausting. Especially when your sleep pattern is disrupted. I hope I can function tomorrow. InsyaAllah.

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Ninie is 1

When I carried her in my womb, I had an inkling that this could be a girl but it wasn’t really confirmed until I finally saw her during my Caesarean section. She is turning 1  years old today. Some say she is a spitting image of my mom. To me, she is a mixture of my face and my husband’s.

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Haneem meaning penuh kasih sayang

Raising a girl is more than just putting pretty clothes on her. It is a lot of hard work from a moms perspective. I am not saying raising a boy is easy, it’s just that the ‘syllabus’ is different. LOL. If I could pre-programme Ninie’s virtues – my top 3 would be Kind, Generous and Intelligent.

Kind so she would not say or do things that could harm someone elses feelings or well being. That she would choose her words carefully and react accordingly. So she would always be pleasing to Allah, to us and those who love her.

Generous so she can share if she has the means to do so. To be thoughtful of other peoples plight. And in order to give more, she would strive to have enough in the first place. And work hard for it. Which is closely linked to my final trait.

Intelligent. A young lady with a sharp mind can never go wrong. With that brain of hers, InsyaAllah she is going to use it for the benefit of her family, the ummah and humanity as a whole.

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But these virtues do not just come by on its own. It will depend on the whole village especially the parents to lay down those bricks to shape out what type of person their children will be. A daughter should have the best of what her parents can provide and this puts me in a big, big shoe. If you read the news nowadays or just scroll down the newsfeed on Facebook, there is a lot of crimes, misdemeanour, liberalism and hatred in the current society that one cannot help feeling worried for their family members. Me too, included.

Which is why it is important to include ALllah in your daily life, your decision making etc. For it is He that will listen to you and guide you through life. We can never know the future but I pray that all will be well biiznillah.I can already imagine the hurdles that Ninie  will be going through as a young girl, a teenager and later a young adult. I have had uncertainties as whether I could be the best role model for her.

Reflecting on the latter, perhaps that is why Allah bestowed upon me a daughter. We all have our own pathways in getting closer to Allah. Some through wealth, others a good career, several through building a family, a few through Death or predicaments in everyday life. Mine is through Haneem (ninie). Knowing me, who wants to be the best version of myself to both Hazeeq and Haneem – InsyaAllah, I would take steps to improve myself as not only a mum, but a muslimah as a whole.

I want them to see me who uses the talent/skills Allah give me towards doing something useful. I want them to know that I care about not only our own family but other people who needs help as well. I want them to see that I use good words in my conversations and that I always smile  the company of people, even amongst those I don’t really like. I want them to learn how to manage their emotions, their time and monetary resources by example. In short, I want them to be proud of me as a mum.

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That they would confide in me when they encounter problems. They would shower me with endless hugs and kisses. That they know I am not just a mom, but I am also a doctor who knows how to have a good time. ha ha. Above all, I want them to pray for my well being always as evidence that they sayang me a lotttttt.

Happy birthday Ninie. I hope you grow up to be a beautiful lady loved by Allah and his ummah. InsyaAllah. 

Sometimes I forget that I’m a MOM…

.. which is daunting because having the MOTHER title is a huge responsibility.

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When I was young, I was fed with the universal idea that “Syurga di bawah telapak kaki ibu”. That it would be a big sin to go against the words and wills of a mother. Mulut mak masin. Meaning that whatever our mothers say – things tend to come true. So as children we become wary of these special powers a mom has.

And now I am a MOM. And sometimes I forget that now I am important to my kids. That my words and du’a , InsyaAllah will count and come true. Eventhough I still have girlish screams when I watch a chick flick or grin foolishly if Syafiq Kyle was to suddenly stop by at my clinic for a consultation for his fever. Gitew. 

I have to actively remind myself to say good things about my children. To wish happy things for them. To be careful of my words for they are all prayers to Allah. Sabar (patience) needs to be a virtue so I will not have a slip of tongue and say ‘bodoh’, ‘babi’ or any vulgar connotations of that sort towards them.

I have to make a conscious feeling or intention everyday that I love my family. I am thankful for their presence and that I will try my best to keep this amanah. For I worry, if I say the wrong things my children would turn out to be what I pray for through my words – even if I do not mean it.

Let me tell you a story.

Once, there was a lady working at a hospital as a clinical staff, who had a child of which upon birth suffered from hypoxic brain injury. Subsequently, the child would occasionally have seizures but he managed to grow up as a young man in his late teens , with learning problems due to those medical conditions. His seizures are so bad at times that he requires multiple visits to Casualty only to be discharged later at his parents own risk.

One day, he had another seizure. He must have ruffled a few feathers with his mom, the clinical staff, earlier that day because when she knew he was in Casualty – she vent out loud probably due to exhaustion or desperation – “another fit? Gosh.. can’t you just let me breath once in a while?”. Then, she used this one word which she probably regret even thinking about it later on – The exact word was ‘menyusahkan’. [burden]

Anyway, the teen was observed at Casualty and since the parents requested a discharge at own risk – he was allowed home with advice. His mother continued with her work while her husband brought the teen back home. After all, this was just another one of those seizure episodes. However, a few hours later – the hospital received a frantic phone call from the father saying that the teen was unconscious in the house. An ambulance was dispatched to their residence. The teen unfortunately, was pronounced dead by the attending paramedic.

The mother? Who actually did not meant what she said.. as you can imagine.. was howling and crying uncontrollably. She did not mean for her son to be taken back by Allah and now she has all the time in the world ‘to breath’. And that her son is not her burden anymore. So powerful is the du’a of us Moms that if we are not careful with our tongue, badan akan binasa. 

That will forever be one of the stories that taught me to always guard my tongue and use it for kind words, useful knowledge and good lessons. InsyaAllah.. 

Its not just a comic book

Initially, I wanted Ee to read REAL books. Like I did when I was his age. I had the whole penyiasatan Salma series on the shelf. I bought lots and lots of Enid Blyton with my pocket money. I read the encyclopedia for kids on repeat. Comics, apart from Doraemon was not really my first choice.

Hence I was a bit disappointed when Ee dislikes reading Peter and Jane but prefers Boboiboy Galaxy Comic instead. I was desperate for him to learn English. To speak English. To dream in English. But it was not happening.

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However, I then realized that if I put his comic books in a positive light – there are some perks after all.

  1. He is Reading. Unlike most kids his age who has strong affinity towards gadgets and online games, he still loves the traditional way to play. With robots, figurines and cars. He role play with these toys and interestingly the dialogues came from the comics he read. I also have to mention that when he reads, he reads the comics aloud. At first, the tone is monotonous. But with subsequent reading sessions, it got more animated as he uses different pitches for each characters. I thought that was a wonderful achievement.
  2. He is sharpening his skills. Once he enjoys the stories, he began to explore other parts of the comic. Such as the Fan Art segment. Where fans send in their drawings to the comic book company to win prizes and be featured. And now he wants to be a part of it too, and is practicing on his drawing skills. it’s still ugly but he is working on it. 
  3. He learns how to save and spend money. With a sprinkle of patience which could hopefully teach him a thing or two about delayed gratification. Each of these hard cover comic book retails at RM 19.90. That’s a long way to go for kids.

The NILAM reading programme at his school is also helpful in cultivating the habit to read. Basically, a student is required to make a record in the NILAM book after finishing any form of reading material (including comics). The student with the highest number of books read will be rewarded at the end of the year.

I have not given up yet. I am letting Ee read his comic books under supervision (lol) as I revise my strategy to get him read real books. Gambattene!