The Ex-Fiance and finding a Home

The ex-fiance is now my husband. Let’s start with that. Saw this photo highlighted on Instagram and saw lots of positive comments on it. Which is good although it did make me wonder, is that not a natural step towards marriage? Preparing a place to stay as a couple, be it a rented place or an abode of your own.

We were engaged sometime in September 2010 which is about 3 months after we started dating each other. The solemnization was initially scheduled in the following year in April but we brought forward the ceremony in December the same year. Part of the reason was of fulfilling the wishes of sick & dying family members. One of my superiors however commented that it was because I am pregnant. Honestly, I was shocked for her to even think about myself as that kind of person. Plus, it was an insult to my fiance too because of all the guys I have ever gone out with, he was the only one who really kept his hands to himself and our conversations never had a sexual innuendo to it. Not even a cuit of the lengan over the blouse! Not even a ‘tak sabar nak kahwin’ remark. Nampak tak betapa terjaganya that relationship. So, make doa to Allah for jodoh that comes from a sekolah agama and eats McDonalds.

Our BMI’s were so ideal back then.. This was our merisik moment

Prior to the wedding, we were living in our respective homes. Mine, a rented single storey terraced house and him in a crib shared with 2 other housemates. A few weeks before we took akad, he found a small house near where we worked. He furnished it accordingly with enough stuff for newlyweds to start functioning as a couple. I moved my things bit by bit to the house as well but only fully moved in after our marriage which is on Day 6 of our new relationship as husband and wife. He paid the rent, broadband and utilities fully. I paid for nothing. HAHAHAHA. Oh wait, I paid for my car and whatever groceries I wanted to get.

Once my son is borned, we moved to Melaka. I stayed with my in laws for just about a year until we found our current home via Mudah.Com. Staying with in laws can be nerve-wrecking but I am grateful to have an understanding MIL and husband of course. I was working shifts at the time and I do not have to worry about leaving my son because I know my husband can look after him competently. After all, his mom is an experienced nurse and can offer sound advice anytime. Alhamdulilah for that.

My D.I.Y dais/pelamin

My current house is on my name solely. I pay for its monthly housing loans and my husband furnishes the interior. It has been a practice in his family to put down the wife’s name on the property. At least, the first one. Later, if he wants he can buy other properties. Which he did and rented out to other people.

For now, we are relatively stable as a family. We have jobs, a roof on our heads, thriving kids and good social support. We are at home. If there is any advice I could give to newlyweds, it is probably to consider to stay or settle down at a place where you could reap from good social support. They can be family, siblings, reliable friends or established institutions. This is because sometimes out of the needs to fulfill a jobs criteria, one would have to move out of their comfort zone. Not everyone has the luxury of choice though. If it comes to that, you need to revise an arrangement where your nucleus family is best taken care of. No one can work and give their best performance if they worry about their wives and kids all the time. Like, if the kids are ill.. who can help out? If both husband and wife needs to be admitted to ward for dengue, who could help to care for the kids? Things like that..

There’s no better way to end this,

Home is Where the Heart is

3R : Read, Reflect, Respond

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