That 4AM talk with God

It was 4 AM in the morning. I get to rest much earlier than I usually get to during my oncalls. I’ve just completed my Isyak prayers at 330AM and examined a gentleman who was assaulted in that early hours of the morning. The observation area had a few patients which would require a review later.

I curled up on my cold oncall bed with a thin blanket to cover half of me. I didn’t even bother to get another layer because well – I rarely get to catch a nap during my calls. Not even a towel for I fear my quick shower would be cut short by a phone call and I’d have to run out wet to pick up the phone before it stops ringing. I left the lights to the bathroom on and stared at the dark ceiling. I liked the quietness of the room.That calming effect it brings so I could just rearrange my thoughts as I figure out what to do with a difficult case. Or a rare one if it ever comes in.

I remembered literally ‘talking to Allah” begging for Him to allow me a few minutes of rest  -at least for the next hour – since He controls Time. I even made a twinky promise that He could send in as many resus cases He wanted after 7 Am if I could rest for a while. I was not feeling well myself. I badly wanted to swallow an antihistamine to ease the stuffiness but knowing its horrible somnolence effect on me – I had to think twice. Should I compromise sound judgement in making medical related decisions or just suffer as a sick human being. I chose the latter.

Indeed if only I’ve managed to really shut off – it would’ve been a great 2 hours of non interrupted rest. On the contrary, I was constantly switching my positions.. having delusions of hearing the phone ring or my assistants calling my name. At times, I’d felt a sudden rush of palpitations and I’d be checking my pulse to see if they are regular. I even have thoughts of ‘could it possibly be thyrotoxicosis? ‘ but nehhh.. I’m not getting any slimmer so it couldn’t be.

Before I know it, the azan for Subuh was already in the air. Time to get up, brush my teeth, wash my face and wait for my 1st ‘promised’ critical case to come through the door.

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3R : Read, Reflect, Respond

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