spending the last 10 seconds of the hour.. contemplating

minci in orange

This was me a few hours ago. Waiting to go home. I just managed to send a few of my patients for Xrays, wrote a few referrals and discharged a patient in the observation bay in the last hour. In other words, trying to clear off as many cases from the morning shift before the PM shift colleagues punches in. We want them to start the shift as motivated and peaceful as they could because it ain’t nice having to stay till 12MN only to come back to work the next morning at 8AM. And you live like.. 45 minutes away. Balik rumah nak bersihkan diri, gosok gigi.. makan.. zzzzzzz

Its halfway of March and already I’m thinking about booking a holiday – but what are the odds of doing that with more colleagues leaving this year. Ntah2 cuti tidak diluluskan. The most number of medical officers leaving from our place in a year was 5/year. Perhaps we can break that record this year? Since 2 is quitting KKM and another 3 has sent in transfer letters. All for greener pastures.

In the meantime, I just need to FOCUS and PERSEVERE. 

FOCUS with the end in mine. Meaning I’d still end up in government service. It’s like how one of my specialists put it – if all the good ones go to private , sapa nak jaga mereka yang tam mampu ke private. So yeh.. despite the caci maki and accusations of gomen docs being tak ikhlas, I believe that by knowing what your priorities are and being IKHLAS would help one a lot in staying in the service and serve. Takpe, yang maki sorang dua.. the appreciative ones will never make it to Facebook or the news – but you can feel their gratitude through prayers they ask from ALLAH for you.

PERSEVERE still through the days when your are physically drained simply because you are too, undergoing the aging process and becoming old or merely being ill. Being persistent on days when your referrals are rejected or ridiculed by MOs in the tertiary setting. Or having to dig back the medical knowledge of yester years and the future as you have no clue as to what is wrong with the patient in front of you. Persevere too through the hurtful remarks patients and relatives throw at you simply because you are unable to entertain their requests for instance. Meh.

Because at the end of the day – apart from CARING for the patient, I have come to realize that my job is also my ibadat. My field of pahala if I do it right. I should make my salary count. If I am paid RM5/hr for the job, then lets make it a worthwhile RM5. I do not want my HALAL rezeki to become HARAM for me – meaning I make money from something that I did not earn rightfully or without amanah, kerja 8 jam tapi batang hidung cuma muncul 2 jam. Camya lah …  

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